There’s a lot I want to write about and think about. But I’m not in fighting shape to write. Sentences come hard. I am not as “good” as I was a few years ago.
I built a blog – long since abandoned – up to a reasonably well-linked audience of several thousand daily readers. I abandoned that. It’s the most unfathomable mistake of my career. I felt trapped and suffocated and I had evolved past the audience I built, so I just shut down the sites and moved on. No goodbyes, nothing. Just moved on.
With the network that blog built, I started a company. I grew that till I ran out of skill.
Then, I went a little nuts, things got a little hard, I sold the company. I spent about a year doing false things and making false starts, trying to care and fighting for my sanity. The grief of giving up a business – in which I had invested big dreams – was very real. I didn’t share with people because why? Why do we have to make things about ourselves? Why do we have to wallow at all?
And now? I’ve recovered some sense of self and some sense of sanity. I’m ready to get back in the ring and to do what I do.
The first step is to get into fighting shape. Right now:
- I’ve got no business talking about Racism, but I want to.
- I’ve got no business talking about COVID, but I want to.
- I’ve got no business dispensing advice, but I want to.
- I’m not building an audience because everything is hard, hard, hard and taking more, more, more work.
One thing at a time.
- I’ll write every day for 5 days. I’ll tackle the easier stuff.
- I’ll commit to some habits that work.
- I’ll journal again.
Everything has become harder, harder, harder and…it truly doesn’t need to be. So the first step is to care for myself so I can get back in the ring and last a few rounds.